SDS 112: How to Win Friends & Influence People

 Welcome back everybody to the SuperDataScience podcast and today we are going to continue on from the conversation I had with Eric Weber in the previous podcast, where we talked about soft skills in data science. If you listened to that episode, then you’ll remember that at the end, I recommended a book called How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I’m reading this book myself right now and I’m still very early into it. I’m actually listening to it as an audiobook, I find listening to audio books helps rest your eyes, so I like that approach a bit more than reading a book directly. But nevertheless, I’m still about halfway, just past halfway through chapter two out of eight, and I’ve already learned two really interesting things and I wanted to share them with you today.

 I learned two principles that will help you or anybody who applies them to better relate and become more personable with other people. They’re not like tricks or anything, they’re not hacks. They’re just very genuine things that we normally tend to forget in our normal lives.

 The first principle is Don’t Criticize People. A lot of the time we tell people what they’re doing wrong and then we criticize them for things and it’s become like a habit in our lives. Myself, I do that quite a lot, or I have been doing that quite a lot and hopefully now I’m going to slowly edge that out. In his book, Dale Carnegie gives some very interesting examples. Like an example of when a person could have really criticized someone but they didn’t, was when an engineer filled up a plane of a pilot with the wrong type of fuel and the pilot nearly crashed, and then all he did was he came up to the engineer and said, It’s all good, I know you won’t make this mistake again and I look forward for you to service my plane tomorrow. In that case, he nearly died, and he didn’t criticize the engineer, but you bet from that the engineer definitely learned his mistake and he would never make it again. So, a very interesting example, puts it really into perspective.

 The other principle is To Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation to People when they’ve accomplished something, or they’ve helped you with something, or you can see that there is something to appreciate them for. He draws a clear distinction here that honest and sincere appreciation is not the same as flattery. The definition of flattery is telling a person what they want to hear, and anybody can pick up on flattery. People can sense it, people have this bullshit metre, so they will know if you’re trying to just flatter them because you have your own gains that you’re after. But if you give honest and sincere appreciation, people will see that you can see the effort they’re putting in, you can see the great work that they’re doing. It will help them grow. At the end of the day, these principles are not just for you to get you want, it’s to actually build a relationship with people and help them grow, help them develop and help them see from another person’s perspective what they’re doing right in the case of principle two and how they’ve helped you or other people.

 A quote that I like that he gives as an example of that. What I like about the book is that he gives quite a lot of interesting stories of other people that he’s worked with. He’s put in decades of research into this book and his own practice also went into this book, and his education that he’s been giving to universities also went into this book. So, he’s got lots of examples and quotes from people. One example that he gives is of Charles Schwab who was a very talented executive who took over, I think, it was a steel manufacturing plant. And he was one of the first people in the US at the time to be paid over a million dollars in an executive position, and this was like first half of the 20th century, so a million dollars then was a lot of money. The quote form Charles Schwab goes like this:

“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that so kills the ambition of a person as criticism from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work, so I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I’m hearty in my appreciation and lavish in my praise.”

Very, very, interesting quote and talks exactly about those two principles, about not criticizing people and giving appreciation to people where it is warranted.

For me it’s been a revelation. I, and I am guessing a lot of people in this day and age … I’ve been doing the exact opposite. Like most of the time I forget to give appreciation to people or appreciate the effort people put in. Or like even let’s say, somebody makes you a great coffee, why not tell them that this coffee looks amazing. A lot of the time we take things for granted but then on the other hand when somebody screws up something, we don’t hesitate to criticize them for it. So, very, very, interesting perspective. For me this has been, already in chapter two, it’s been a big learning and I’ve already started applying those in life and watching myself, how I communicate with other people.

This is my call to you as an encouragement over this coming weekend, just try to recognize when you criticize someone, if it’s really necessary or what would have happened if you didn’t. Or if you can, hold yourself back, try not to and see what happens. And on the other hand, when somebody does something even small for you like making a coffee or opening the door for you, or anything, holding the elevator, see what happens if you give honest and sincere appreciation. Especially in bigger things, especially at work or at home, with friends and family, see what happens if you do give people honest and sincere appreciation but bear in mind the difference with flattery. Don’t just try going out there and flattering people. No. Just when it is warranted, don’t miss the opportunity or don’t ignore the opportunity to give people that honest and sincere appreciation.

Finally, if you don’t have a book to read, then pick up this book, How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie and read along with me. Thanks a lot for your time today, I look forward to seeing you here again next time, and until then, happy analysing.