SDS 036: Happiness and problem solving

So I’m reading this book now which is called — I’m not sure if I’m allowed to say the name of the book on air, given that it’s got a swear word in it, but nevertheless, apologies to iTunes, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck”. And it’s a book by Mark Manson. Very, very interesting book. So many profound thoughts that kind of are out there, that you know they’re true, but you don’t admit them to yourself, or you don’t actually stop to think about them. And he just basically states the obvious, but makes you realise how much simpler life can be if you stop being in your head all the time. It’s a great book, highly encourage anybody and everybody to pick it up, and we’ll include a link, or you can just search for it.

But basically, it talks about many things, and how often in life, we’re just worried, we give — he says we give too many Fs about everything. We worry about everything too much, whereas life is much simpler than that and can be much more simple in the sense that it can be much more enjoyable, and a lot of the issues, a lot of the problems that we create for ourselves are actually just in our heads, they don’t really exist, it’s all a mental thing.

So the concept I wanted to talk about today was what he defines as happiness in his book. And basically, let’s start with this example. Have you ever been in the situation where you think to yourself that I’ve got this challenge ahead of me, or I’m in a very rough time, or I’m very overworked right now, but as soon as I get this project done, or as soon as I get this thing done in a few weeks, or in a month from now, as soon as everything is done, everything will be great, and then everything will be fine, and then I’ll be relaxed, I’ll be having fun, I’ll enjoy. But right now, I’ve just got to work for a bit, like for the next month or so, I’ve really got to work really hard, or think about this thing, and dedicate my life to this thing, but then I will be fine and I’ll be having fun, and then everything will settle down and it will be great.

Well and then that project passes, you’ve completed, or you’ve successfully completed that project, whatever you were doing, and then the time comes, but then you’re not relaxed. You’re not just having fun because something new comes up. Or even if you go away, and you go move on to something else, then there are new challenges there. And even if you think of life in the way that you have to solve some things right now, and then you’ll be able to relax, and you’ll rest, and you’ll actually have a good time, most of the time it doesn’t happen like that because life is a string of challenges, a string of problems that we have to solve.

What Mark Manson says in his book is that happiness is not a destination. Happiness is not about getting somewhere and that’s where you’ll be happy. Happiness lies in the journey itself. Happiness lies not in the solution to the problem, not in the end result, but in the process of solving the problem. And when I heard that, it really resonated with me, really made me think that what he says is right, that as humans, we have been designed as amazing problem-solvers. And that is where we find our happiness. When we’re solving problems, and we’re enjoying solving those problems. Because throughout your life, most of the time, that’s what you’re doing. You’re solving problems. If you’re not solving problems, then you’re not growing, you’re not developing, you’re staying stagnant. And nobody likes that.

The key, from Mark’s perspective, is to find the right problems to solve. So for instance, if you’re sick of being single and you’re looking for a relationship and so on, you’re kind of solving that problem. But the thing is finding and getting a relationship, or even getting married, and this is one of the examples that he draws, is that it won’t make you happy because it will solve your current problem, but it will change the problem that you have to be solving. Now, all of a sudden, the new problem you have to be solving is finding out where to go on a date, taking cooking classes, or finding out what to get for Valentine’s Day, and how to solve conflicts inside a relationship, or how to keep your marriage together, or how to go on holidays together, things like that.

So all the time, you’re going to be solving problems. And the best advice that I found from this book so far is to find the right problems to solve. So just stop and think about actually what problems do you like solving in your life and what problems you don’t like solving in your life. And if you’re unhappy, what it just basically means is that you’re solving the wrong problems. And to be happy, you have to find the right problems to solve. So I think that was pretty profound and I hope you can get a takeaway from that, and there is so much more in this book, it’s a great read, and also what I like about it is it’s not that long. It’s quite a short book, it’s quite concise.

So there we go. Hope you enjoyed today’s episodes. Go out there and practice some of these things, think about the problems that you’re solving over the weekend. And I can’t wait to see you back here next week. Until then, happy analyzing.