SDS 076: Do it for yourself

So I’m reading a book now called ” Sorted!: The Good Psychopath’s Guide to Bossing Your Life”. A very interesting book, it was recommended to me by my brother, Ilya, and the first thing that stands out is who wrote the book, and the authors are Kevin Dutton and Andy McNab. So Kevin Dutton is a psychologist, and Andy McNab is kind of like the opposite thing of a professional psychologist that you can think of. He’s an ex-member of the SAS, which is the Secret Air Service, the British Special Forces. A very acclaimed member of the SAS, participated in many operations, and now he’s retired from the SAS and he’s become an entrepreneur and helps people succeed in what they do. So they got together and wrote this book and there’s a lot of interesting banter between them, they describe how they communicate with each other, it’s just really funny. So he’s a very straightforward guy, and shoots straight for the mark, whereas Kevin Dutton explains things from a psychological point of view, a psychological perspective, so it’s interesting to see that dynamic between them.

And they give a lot of tips on exactly that: how to “boss your life” or how to get in control, or be in control, of your life and take charge. For instance, one of the quotes from Andy McNab is in any teamwork project, you should do only one of three things: lead, follow, or get out of the way. It’s pretty straightforward, it’s pretty abrupt and blunt. You either lead, you follow, or you get out of the way and you don’t mess up the project for others.

The concept that resonated with me the most in this first part of the book that I’ve read, and which I wanted to share with you today, is the concept of who you’re doing it for. Andy gives this example of him going and joining the SAS. And you could think of lots of reasons for somebody to join something as cool as the SAS: to prove to others that they’re strong, or to impress somebody, or to then have that on your resume, or to then show that off to your friends. And what he says is very fundamental. And this example is so great because it demonstrates the point, is that you need to understand, when you’re deciding to do something big, you need to understand who you are doing it for. Are you doing it for yourself? Or are you doing it for others, for some other reason which is not yourself? And if you’re taking on something big and challenging, and you’re not doing it for yourself, then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.

And the SAS example is very good because he says that let’s imagine that you’re going to join the SAS and you’re doing that not for yourself, not because you really, really want it, but rather to impress other people, or impress somebody in your life. Well, the thing is, right when you come up with that idea, and maybe when you just join the SAS, that’s your thought. You’re thinking yes, I’m going to succeed, I’m going to impress someone, or others. But then, at some point, it will get so hard because the training they have to go through in the Secret Air Service, like in most secret services, is just extreme. It’s very demanding on your health, on your mental state, on your physical state, and at some point, it’s going to get so, so hard that you’re not going to care about others. You’re not going to want to impress others any more. And if that was the only reason you were doing it in the first place, you’re going to give up. You’re going to just say, “Oh, I don’t care about that reason any more, just let me out of here. I’m done.” And you’re going to give up, and that’s pretty much it.

And so that’s a very extreme example, but it’s very telling. It’s very true that pretty much with anything, if you’re doing it for the wrong reasons, then as soon as it becomes extremely hard or extremely challenging or demanding, and those reasons are no longer relevant to you in that new light, they’re no longer relevant, it’s going to be much easier to give up, and much easier to stop pursuing what you are pursuing.

So with that, he says do only the things that you really want to do, and that you know you’re going to stick with, you’re going to go through with, even if things become very, very difficult. You can portray that into your own careers, into your own life. So I’m sure if you think about it, you’ll come up with examples in life when you’ve done it both ways. You’ve done something for yourself, because you really, really wanted it, and you’ve done something for the wrong reasons. Personally, I have lots of examples of both. And when you compare those, you see this advice in action, and hopefully now, going forward knowing this, whenever you’re taking something on, especially when it’s something very big that is going to take a lot of time and it’s going to be challenging, whether it’s in your career, in your life, in your personal life, in other areas, think about who are you doing it for ultimately. What are the reasons why you are doing it. And if things get extremely challenging and difficult, are you going to stick through with your choice, with your decision to go ahead and do this.

So hopefully that was insightful, some interesting ideas. Check out the book, it’s called ” Sorted!: The Good Psychopath’s Guide to Bossing Your Life. How to Win Your Everyday Battles”. A very interesting book, lots of tips, I’m sure you’ll like it. And I look forward to seeing you next time. Until then, happy analyzing.