SDS 402: Face Your Demons

(00:15):
Welcome back to the SuperDataScience podcast everybody, super excited to have you back here on the show. And, this episode I’d like to start or pre-phase by saying that, I am no psychologist and I don’t claim to be one. However, I face certain challenges in life and I seek advice when I face them. And recently, I received some very valuable advice, which I would like to share here. And you might find it useful in maybe a situation you might come across one day, or have come across in the past or present. And, the advice actually came from my girlfriend, it was a very interesting metaphor. And, this was about facing your fears or facing your demons. And by demons, I mean, things like thoughts that are toxic or that are corrupt; and, not good thoughts, negative thoughts. 

(01:17):
So, it’s thought’s such as that, you’re not good enough, or you feel like an imposter or you’re not loved, or that you’re annoyed, emotions. Like, you’re annoyed at someone. You’re feeling angry about a situation. You’re sad. You’re miserable and you’re lonely and things like that. And, maybe thoughts like, you will always be lonely or you will never be able to get along with this person. And, other negative thoughts or feelings, emotions. And, the metaphor that she shared with me is that, the game of it; I don’t know if you play this in your childhood, I played this game, when you and some friends are like running around in a group and you’re like eight or nine years old, and one person is It, and then they have to run and whoever they tag becomes It. And then, that person has to run and tag others. 

(02:12):
So, imagine you’re eight or nine years old, and your friend is running at you at breakneck speed and they’re it; and, they want to tag you really bad, and you’re running away from them. And, you’re only eight or nine, so you’re screaming, yelling, it instills you with fear, you feel like they’re going to get you, and that is going to be terrible when they get you. And, you’re going to become it and you want to get away from it as fast as you can. But, they happen to run faster than you, and they eventually get you. And, they tag you and now you’re it. And then, you finally face the reality that it’s actually not that bad. It’s not scary. You’re okay. Yes, you’re now it, but it’s actually not as bad as you thought. 

(02:56):
And so, that resonates a lot with the advice that I received from my psychologist. And that is, don’t run from your fears, instead, surrender to them and see what happens. So, let’s say you are with your spouse and you’re having an argument, and then you feel terrible. You feel angry or you feel not loved. You feel annoyed and you have all these feelings in you. And then, you take some time to be in separate rooms or take a quick break from each other’s presence. And, rather than continuing to indulge in those feelings, or even resisting them or even fighting them. And, feeling like I don’t want to feel annoyed, I hate that I feel and I hate that I feel like… Rather than doing that, the advice that I received was, just sit down on the couch and allow yourself to feel those feelings. Allow yourself to sulk, or to feel angry, or to feel upset, and encourage those feelings. 

(03:59):
Tell your own mind, yeah okay, I’m going to allow myself to be angry now. Bring it on, whatever you got. And your mind will say whoa, they’re this and that, and then they did this wrong or this was disrespectful, and so on. And, just keep asking, what else? What else? What else? Just keep asking your mind, what else has it got? What other ammunition has it got there? And, you will notice that in many cases, if you don’t resist, but draw the surrender to the thought, and allow yourself time, even maybe an hour, or in the rest of the evening; to just sulk there on the couch and feel those negative feelings and encourage them. Once you do that, you will find that, you probably won’t even last five minutes until you get bored. Your mind will run out of ammunition because that’s our nature. 

(04:44):
We want to resist, and when we resist, there’s energy. There’s energy when we’re resisting our own mind, resisting anything, right. If somebody’s pushing you; you want to push back. But, if you surrender to it, there is no energy. The energy dissipates very quickly, and there’s nothing more left to fuel that emotion or that feeling, and that fear, that demon. And, it kind of subsides, kind of goes away. So, that’s the advice I received. Again, I’m not a psychologist, probably doesn’t apply to every situation. But maybe next time, maybe this weekend, if you’re feeling an emotion you don’t want to be feeling, or you’re having a thought you don’t want to be having, or a fear that you think is maybe irrational or unfounded, ungrounded fear. 

(05:29):
Try that out, give yourself some time and allow yourself, not to indulge in it, not to resist it, not to let it take over you; but just to surrender to it and see what has it got. What will it bring to the table, if you give it to the podium in your mind? And probably, it’s not going to last very long and it will subside, it will let go. Hopefully this will be helpful to you. Definitely something new and valuable that I’ve learned for myself. And maybe, it’ll come in handy for you in some situation as well. And, I look forward to seeing you back here next time; until then, happy analyzing.