Happy Holidays! Welcome to SuperDataScience Podcast!
Today, we won’t be talking about data science. Instead, we’ll talk about the Top 7 Learnings of 2018 that have helped me in achieving personal and career growth. Discover them all when you tune in!
Let me ponder on things that have helped me make this year extraordinary. I particularly chose to record this episode in Mt. Tamborine, Queensland to be at one with nature, clear my mind, and contemplate about everything that happened this year. I want to share my top 7 learnings of 2018 for everyone, especially for those who have always been supportive of SuperDataScience! I’m very grateful for you being part of my great journey. I hope you get something from these learnings!
Everyone needs to detox from stress and toxins! Remember when I went through a 10-day detox? I have never felt more at peace and at one with my mind, body, and soul. Another thing that benefitted my health is skipping breakfast. It turns out it can be useful for your health – you can lose weight and improve your digestion.
- Be there with the people you love
Not everyone is expressive about their thoughts and feelings. What I can advise you is to be attuned with the how people are doing around you, especially when they go through hard times. Some people are just afraid to reach out and ask for help. Make the first step.
- Personal space
Self-reflection is critical. It’s okay to get disconnected from the online world and start spending time with yourself. There are also various personality tests you could use to know yourself more.
One of the best books I’ve read this year teaches about essentialism and helps you identify your ultimate priority in life. I learned that it’s better to focus all your energy on one thing rather than having many activities all at once.
- RPM Method
I think most here know that I’m a big fan of Tony Robbins. I’ve attended his events and have been using his RPM method not only in my personal life but also in my own business. Listen as I share how my team also benefitted from it. I’m pretty sure you will benefit from it too!
- Do what you want
Sometimes, we end up in situations that we don’t really want – situations that someone else has planned out for us. Don’t let the societal pressures, the norms, and the expectations sacrifice your wants and free will.
- Victim Consciousness Triangle
I think this is the best out of this list, and I only learned it this December. This lets you have a deeper understanding of yourself and your relationships. Breaking free from the triangle is right for you to start seeing and believing how beautiful life is finally.
In this episode you will learn:
- 1 – Fasting (04:20)
- 2 – Be there with the people you love (14:51)
- 3 – Personal space (19:30)
- 4 – Essentialism (33:53)
- 5 – RPM Method (40:14)
- 6 – Do what you want (01:09:20)
- 7 – Victim Consciousness Triangle (01:19:04)
ITEMS MENTIONED IN THIS PODCAST:
– The Natural Instinct Healing
– Sailing La Vagabonde Youtube Channel
- Be there with the people you love
- Personal space
– To Sell is Human by Daniel Pink
– Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)
– DISC Personality Test
– Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown
- RPM Method
– Tony Robbins Breakthrough App – For iOS, For Android
– Rapid Planning Method (RPM) by Tony Robbins
– Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action by Simon Sinek
- Do what you want
– The Big Sick Movie
- Victim Consciousness Triangle
– Lynne Forrest – Victim Consciousness Defined Youtube Channel
– The Three Faces of Victim – An Overview of the Victim Triangle by Lynne Forrest
– The 5 Love Languages
This is Episode 221, What I Learned in 2018.
Welcome back to the SuperDataScience Podcast, ladies and gentlemen. Super excited to be here with you today and to be at the end of this amazing year that we had, 2018. Lots of learnings, lots of inspiration, lots of great things happened this year. I'm sure that is true for all of us.
And today I'm very inspired and very pumped to share my top seven learnings of 2018. So, we did this exercise for the first time, this solo round in 2017, and it was very helpful for me. It was very ... It was very cool to self-reflect on the things that happened in 2017. So, today I'm going to repeat that, and I hope you'll join me for this journey of the things that I learned or the top seven things that I learned in 2018.
And if this is your first time listening to an episode like this, then just a quick heads up that this is to manage our expectations, and this is an episode not on data science. So, we're not going to be talking about data science, learnings or business learnings or any ... There will be some professional learnings, but mostly it's personal growth, my personal growth from the year. And the reason I record these episodes is that so I can have an archive of my own learnings for the future, so I .... in case I forget some things or I want to revisit a year, then I can listen to and plus, of course, I want to share my journey with you guys because you've been along the way the whole year right there with me.
Before we get started, I wanted to mention one more thing, that's this podcast we're going to mention a lot of materials. There's going to be a lot of resources, whether it's blogs, videos, articles, books that you can reference and learn a bit more from if you're interested in certain topics. All of these references can be found at Superdatascience.com/221. That's www.superdatascience, one word, .com/21. There you will also find the transcript for this episode if you'd like to check it out. So, there we go. Make sure to find your resources there, so that you know where to find them, and, on that note, let's dash right into it.
So, in 2018, of course there was ... I'm sure we all have plenty of learnings, like dozens if not more than that, but I think it's also important to identify what are the top ones because you can't take away everything. You can't remember everything. You'll end up paralyzed by choice or there will be just too much to remember. So, in 2017, I identified the top seven, and that's what I would like to do. Well, that's what I've done for 2018, as well. So, we're going to be talking about the top seven learnings.
And the first one, the very, very first one, we're going to start off with a physical learning. By the way, you might hear a bit of wind. I'm sitting in a forest. Well, sitting on a porch in a forest, so there might be a bit of wind here and there and some birds chirping. Please don't mind that. That's just my way of getting inspiration for this episode. All right. So ... Yeah. So, we're going to start with a physical learning, and that is ... about diets and food.
So, in ... It was somewhere at the start of the year. I really forgot. It was in March or April this year. I think it was in April. I went to Bali, and there I did a 10-day fast. Exactly yes. I also thought it was impossible, but actually it is really very doable. So, I did a 10-day fast. It wasn't water fast. So, you may have heard of water fast where you just drink only water and you don't eat anything, absolutely anything at all. It was a supervised fast with ... some elements of juices, like a couple times a day you'd have a watermelon juice or like a lime juice, celery juice, something very, very simple just to give you vitamins, but there was absolutely no ... fats and no proteins at all, and basically in those juices, you would get maybe up to 150, max I think 200 calories per day total. And so that was enough to keep you fasting. That's how this fast is designed. It's run by a group called or a retreat called the Natural Instinct Healing, NIH. I highly recommend checking them out. I found about them through a YouTube channel I follow called Sailing La Vagabonde, where Elaina did that same fast, and then I went to check it out. It was really, really cool.
So, what happens in that fast or when you fast is for the first three days you feel super hungry. You feel like you're starving, you really want to eat and you're just like craving food all the time. But then after day three what happens is your body generally, speaking on average for people, your body kicks in to something called the ketosis mode, where ... This is how I understand. Where you're not burning carbs for energy anymore. Your body is not expecting to burn carbs because you're not giving it any carbs, right? Like when you eat carbs such as potatoes, bread, pasta, fruits, vegetables, those are all carbs. They are your body's primary source of energy. Well, not that it's not been getting carbs for three days, it kicks in to ketosis mode, and it starts consuming fat as the primary source of energy.
And that is where your reserves are stored. Your body stores reserves in fat. It's an efficient way of storing nutrients, or not nutrients. More it's calories that you intake throughout your life. When there's excess, it stores them as fat. And so it starts burning the fat that you have in your body, and that's how you can rapidly lose weight and basically you're in a different type ... I'm not a doctor, but I think it's even a different type of metabolism that you enter or different phase of metabolism. I might be wrong in terms of terminology there, but you move away from using carbs as your primary source to fats as your primary source.
And after day three, you stop being hungry. Very interesting. You may have heard other people say that. I've heard people say that before, definitely, where after day three of dieting, you stop feeling that craving for food, stop feeling super hungry. You're still losing weight. You still don't have as much ... Like some things are different, and depends on the person. Some people will experience headaches. Some people will experience dizziness. I personally experienced only dizziness when I was standing up from a lying down position. I started experiencing a bit of dizziness, and some people lose a lot of weight. Some people ... feel very sick. The interesting part is most of these side effects are not actually attributed to you not having nutrition. Yes, you'll probably feel less energy. Like you'll feel a bit like ... I wouldn't say lethargic, but you feel like a bit ... That you're not as strong, and obviously you're not getting any food. So, ... you're not operating at the same capacity as before, but at the same time, it's surprising. Like it's surprising how much strength you have, but you're actually feeling generally great, except for some side effects.
And the funny thing is that most of these side effects are attributed to not the diet itself, but all the toxins coming, and this is interesting because toxins are actually fat soluble, or a lot of toxins are fat soluble rather than water soluble, so your body's natural defense when you consume toxins or when toxins get into your body throughout your life time, because it cannot get them out of your body as quickly. There not water soluble. It's not as easy to flush them out, and they keep coming in with your eating junk food or if you're in a bad environment with lots of pollution and just general toxins that come in passively into your body. It cannot flush them out as quickly, so what your body will do is it will create fat to absorb and store those toxins. So, it'll use fat as a storage facility to get rid of those, kind of like temporarily hide those toxins, so they're not affecting your body.
So, when you're dieting, because it's burning that fat, these toxins start coming out, and you're not feeling great. Anyway, so 10 days fast. Amazing experience. Really lets your body rest. With Natural Instinct Healing, I learned a lot because they do these workshops, and there is also yoga. They take you for walks and so on. Surprisingly, you have a lot of energy, probably not as much as when you had a light meal and you're ready ... Like I wouldn't go probably have a heavy workout at a gym or do a marathon in that stage, but at the same time, you have enough energy to walk around, do various things around the ... Like maybe go to the fields, go to a swimming pool and just go for a bicycle ride, even. We went for bicycle ride on day seven.
You lose quite a bit of weight. So, I lost more than 10% of my weight. I lost ... Just before I'd stopping eating dinner before the fast and lost about four kilos, and then during the fast I lost another four kilos. And ... Some people lose up to 20 kilos at these things. It depends on what level of fitness and health you come into it. But again, I learned a lot of things.
So, first I learned that ... I always thought before if I miss a meal, it's going to be really hard for me. Like I'm going to starve, or it's not healthy for me. And here I missed total like 30 meals over 10 days, totally feeling totally, totally fine. And I realized that actually giving your digestive system a rest is a good idea because a lot of the time, or all our lives we eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, breakfast, lunch, dinner, breakfast, lunch, dinner. We never give our digestive system a rest, even when we are sleeping. It's always working, and so it wears out. It doesn't have time to restore. It's like if you have cut on your arm, and you keep scratching it. You don't give it time to rest.
And so that inspired me to ... to actually ... Well, that and one of my colleagues, Paolo, later on in the year in June, inspired me to stop eating breakfast. So, yeah. In fact, I haven't had breakfast for six months now, except for like maybe once or twice on occasion I've had breakfast. But for six months now, I haven't had breakfast. I only have two meals a day, lunch and dinner. I make sure to make them big because I'm also vegan, so I have to take in a ton of calories in order to ... I need to take in a ton of food in order to have enough calories to not lose weight. So, you have to really watch yourself. That's out of the cavat here. I'm not a doctor. You need to consult a doctor, if any of these are inspiring for you. But I don't eat breakfast, so my digestive system is resting from ... Maybe I finish dinner around ... I finish eating about 10:00 P.M., and then I start eating lunch around 1:00 P.M. or 2:00 P.M.
So, for about 16 hours, my digestive system is resting, maybe 15 hours. And then that's enough time for it to recover. And that helps with your energy levels, helps with your focus, you save time because you don't have to distract yourself with having breakfast. Also helps with your skin, your ... immune system, your happiness ... Research is showing that there's nerves that are directly linked to your brain from your digestive system, and when your digestive system's not happy, you're not happy. Lot of things, and I've had really great results from that and I'm planning on continuing that. So, yeah. That's that part about not eating and fasting.
To sum this up, I thought it was a great experience. I like to experiment with my diet and see how things go and what I prefer, what I don't. If any of this sounded really interesting to you, then be very cautious about it and careful. It really depends on person to person, and you have to track these things. So, I do my blood test at least once a year. I do body fat checks. I make sure to get enough exercise. I monitor how I feel. If I don't have enough of something in my diet, I take supplements and I do blood tests again. I use apps on my phone to monitor what I'm eating, how many calories I'm intaking. So, you've got to be very careful about these things and conscious about what you're doing.
But that was a very cool learning for me, and I'm definitely going to do that 10-day fast again. Very excited. It's a very peaceful time where you get to relax and calm down. Of course I was doing work, but in the next year I'm planning on really slowing down during that time, and I really enjoyed it. So, that was ... And then, by the way, if I didn't mention, that was in Bali. I think I did mention. Okay. So, that was the 10-day fast and what I learnt there.
Point number two, and the subtitle on all of these is, as you probably remember from last year, all of these will have little subtitles of what is happening. Be there for the people you love. It's a long subtitle, but it's worth it. So, on this one I won't go into too much detail, unlike the other ones, but what I will say here is sometimes in your life ... Like we all have people how we love, and we have people who love us, even if sometimes we're not really aware of it or pay that much attention to it. But basically, sometimes people ... People will in general, regardless of your relationships, sometimes people go through hard time, and sometimes they will need somebody there. They will need help. Some people will ask for that help and are aware and ... confident enough to do that. Sometimes people won't, whether they're not confident enough to ask for that help, or whether they're unaware of their own troubles or they have an ego that's preventing them from doing that. It can be many reasons why they don't do that, but they still need somebody to show them that you're there for them and you love them.
What I want to say here is that ... look out for those situations. When somebody you know, somebody you care about, you feel that you're ... like they're getting a bit distant or something's changed, something's different, and you don't see that they're very happy or as happy as they used to be. It looks like they're in a rough patch. Don't shy away from ... reaching out to them and telling them that you're there, or don't wait. Maybe wait for a little bit or for a few days until ... for them to reach out to you first, so you don't intrude on their space, but if you feel that something's going on, don't shy away from reaching out. And the thing is here, you don't necessarily need to go in there and tell them something's wrong, you need to help and stuff like that. Don't try to fix things right away. Just tell them that you love them, that you're there for them and a little sign of love from you, something that might seem very little to you, could actually mean the world to them.
And I personally had an experience like that this year. Again, I won't go into detail on this, but it made me realize how important these can be, and I just wanted to share that with you that maybe you have somebody in your life that might be going through some difficulties, and they might need a little sign of love.
So, here are some tips for engaging people that are maybe going through something difficult. Again, I'm not a psychologist. These are from my experience. Every situation might be different, and maybe it's a good idea to consult some specialist on this. But first thing I'd say is don't try to change them. Don't try to barge in there and say, "Okay. We need to fix this, fix this. You're doing this wrong. This is hurting you. You need to stop that. You need to start this, and so on." Don't try to them. Just show them that you accept them no matter what. That's very important. Otherwise, they'll close up. Show them that you're there for them, you love them unconditionally and that they will ... and kind of be aware that they will change they are ready. That's something important I found.
I've had actually similar situations throughout my life, and before I didn't always understand that people will change only when they are ready. Sometimes you try to push somebody. I remember a few years ago, I was pushing my youngest brother to get his driver's license, get a driver's license. You're already 18 or 19. You should get a driver's license, and he just refused. And now I realize he just wasn't ready, and good could have come out of him getting it when he's not ready. That's just dangerous. So ... he went and applied for his driver's license when he was ready. So, things like that. They'll change when they are ready. Once again, every situation is unique. Maybe this advice is not applicable in every specific situation. Okay, so that was number two, be there for the people you love.
Learning number three, and ties in well with learning number two, there is one more person that you really need to take care of, and that is you. Learning number three is called personal space. So, what I want to say about personal space ... We're all different. Some people are introverts, some people extroverts, some people are ambiverts. Yes, there's a trendy new term, ambivert, when you're in between introvert and extrovert. I think Daniel Pink has that in his book somewhere.
So, yeah. Introverts, extroverts, ambiverts. There's also lots of different psychological tests. Some people ... Like there's the Myers-Briggs Test, which I really love. I'm a INTJ, and I know that about myself. I need ... There's lot of things that are good and also things that I need to be aware of, conscious of, but that's a great test. If you want to look it up, it's called Myers-Briggs Personality Test. Once you do that test, you get four letters. In some versions you get five letters, A or a T on the end. And yeah. It's really fascinating to see your personality described throughout those tests.
There's a Disc Test. There's another one. I forgot what it's called. But yeah. There's lots of personality tests, and you can ... We all have different personalities, different preferences, needs, desires or the way we perceive things, the way we act and behave and so on.
And what I found is that ... I personally, this is me, I personally need quite a lot of personal space. So, I'm a type of person, I find myself that I'm introverted even though, yes, I can go on stage or, yes, I can go and present something to a board of directors. I can be very engaging and so on, but that's not what introvert, extrovert is about. Introvert, extrovert, in my understanding, is how do you recharge energy. Do you recharge energy by being by yourself or being out there with others? So, for me, I find it energy consuming to be out there with others. I want to give. I want to be out there, but then to recharge, I need to have some quiet time, like read a book or have my thoughts, listen to some music, have a bath, go for a walk, just be on my own and to myself, and that way I recharge. Some people recharge by being with friends and being social. All are fine.
But what I find is that I need quite a bit of personal space. I think, from my observations, I think actually everybody needs a bit of personal space. Some people more, some people less. So, for instance, I need quite a bit, quite a lot of personal space and often, but whatever the personality of the person I encounter, I found that everybody needs a least a little bit, at least like a couple of hours a week of personal space. And that is a good opportunity to ... Maybe if you don't recharge that way, it's a good opportunity to be with yourself and not lose who you are, not ... And also ... self-reflect. Like even if you are capable of not losing who you are while you are with other people, you often times won't have time to self-reflect. When you're by yourself, even if you don't use that time, you're using that time to recharge, you can use that time to self-reflect on your learnings, on your growth and your goals and your vision and how you're feeling and things like that, to connect with yourself. That connection with yourself I think is important for everybody.
And ... you might find, actually, some people will say they don't need that. They might be actually ... You might be listening to the same. You might be thinking, "No, no, no. There's no way I don't need that." Well, this might not be applicable to you, but what I've found is that often when people say that, when people that I definitely don't need any personal space. In fact, I prefer not to spend time by myself, I've fount that they're running from something, that they're trying to ... They're like even afraid to be on their own with themselves, with their thoughts. And like right away, when you're left with yourself, you pull out your phone. You start start texting other people, and so on. Because maybe there's some sort of fears that prevent you from being on your own. You're afraid to discover something. You're afraid to just where your mind, where your consciousness will take you. And I think that's something that needs to be resolved. I think all of us should be comfortable being by ourselves.
And being by ourselves, I don't mean like on your phone texting or on social media or watching YouTube or Facebook videos or going on Nine Gog and watching some gifts and stuff like that. No. Like by yourself, I mean like the old school, some ... The Generation Z's listening to this might find this a bit too traditional or too old school where you're just by yourself, and your phone's off or it's in flight mode and you're just reading a book or looking at the nature or just listening to some music with your eyes close. That kind of by yourself.
Now ... that's, I think, is very important. That's personally why I like long distance flights, especially when I'm on my own because ... Well, now they're starting to have wifi, but still most of the time you're like disconnected from online, and you can actually just do something outside of online and online world or outside of all this chaos.
And the reason why I think it's important to have that time to yourself is ... because when we are constantly in ... This world is becoming so hyper-connected, so many distractions. Our attention spans are have gone down to that of a goldfish. And when you're in this world all the time with all this technology, we work in data science, so we all know what it's like and how the algorithms all think and how they promote more and more stuff to you. It's very easy to get caught up and constantly never have a minute to yourself, and you kind of lose who you are. You lose yourself in all this minutia and all this running around, all this ... all these distractions, basically. Yeah. And then your brain starts to crave them, and that's how your life is. In the 2017 learnings, we were talking about ... being in the now, like living in the moment, and that just goes away. When you're caught up running around and ... with all these distractions, life just passes by very quickly.
So, yeah. With that in mind, I aim to consciously find time for myself where I'm not on social media and just like can self-reflect. I'm not distracted by anybody, and I've started a new policy for myself where one night per month for about 24 hours, starting around 3:00 P.M. or so and then until lunch time the next day. So for one night a month I go away and ... just by myself. I go to ... I don't know. Like right now, for instance. I am in a mountain. It's call Mount Tamborine in Gold Coast. So, whoa, whoa, if you're from Queensland, Australia. So, I'm in Mount Tamborine, and I go away and I spend one night by myself just off social media and doing something that I want to do. Like maybe I'll have hike or a walk or I'll read a book or ... I like baths, so I might have a bath. Maybe like yesterday I watched a documentary about the World War II German submarines, U-boat, and learned something new, something completely unrelated to my profession, completely unrelated to things I do normally. Just happened to stumble upon that and decided that that's something I want to learn, and I did that.
So, that's ... There's a parrot right here. These ... I don't even know what these are called. You can hear it, though. Let me see if I can take a photo. Oh. He flew away. Okay. So, yeah. So, yeah. One night a month. That's not that much, if you think about it. It's 12 nights a year, but that's my way of consciously finding that space for myself. Now, again, everybody's different. You might have, especially if you have a family, that might be harder for you to do, but find your own policy. Find your own way of creating that space for yourself.
And another thing to keep in mind here is that you need, in that time, to try to slow down. Like right now I'm recording this audio, but for me, it's not really work. Right? Like there's other components of my profession that I consider to be work. This is more self-reflection for myself, for fun, and that's why I'm totally cool recording it on this time away because I have a cup of tea here. I cut up some apples for the birds. It's early morning. There's a sunrise. It's really nice, and yeah, I'm inspired to do this.
So, another thing to keep in mind is it's okay, this whole concept that it's okay to be bored. Don't try to ... Like when you find yourself, or often when we find ourselves in life right now that we're waiting for something. You're waiting. You or ... waiting for the food to boil, the tea to boil or something like that, you instantly get on your phone. You start doing something. Try to consider that it's actually okay to be bored in this day and age. It's not normal. It's not ... It's not common. Like people are not commonly bored because now we have access to social media and stuff. But think about back in the 18th Century or 19th Century, when people didn't have cars. They couldn't travel that fast. They were often in carriages. They didn't have t.v. They were bored all the time, and they were fine. Nobody died of boredom. But it's okay to be bored because that helps your brain to focus, self-reflect, recharge and then your attention span increases. You ... It's totally fine to be bored. So, just something to keep in mind. And that's how I would advise to create that personal space for yourself. Don't always have to be doing something.
... space for yourself that don't always have to be doing something, especially in those times.
And the final comment on this third point, about personal space, is relationships. I love psychology. You probably can guess it from last year's and this year's self-reflection, "What I Learned" podcast. I love psychology, and I also love how it affects relationships.
By the way, a little spoiler alert. In point number seven, we'll talk quite a bit about this. It's a very cool thing I found. So if you stay until point number seven, you'll be not disappointed.
So in terms of relationships for this time alone ... So some of you might be thinking there, "But what if I'm in a relationship? I have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, or I have a wife or a husband. And I love them. I have kids" and things like that. Or "I have parents to look after. I have friends." Even in that case.
But now we're talking more about intimate relationships. So in an intimate relationship, what I've found ... Again, this was in this year. It was at the start of this year when I was talking to a psychologist, a professional psychologist, a very interesting lady. And she described to me this whole concept of separately but together, that in relationships you still need to have your separate lives ... and that doesn't mean having secrets and hiding things from each other, no, but separate hobbies, separate interests, separate groups of friends, and so on ... so that you can grow individually, separately, but then bring that and feed the relationship with those insights, with that knowledge, with those experiences.
And that is different to when you actually mesh together. Again, I'm not the psychologist here. I don't know these things. It's not professional advice. So seek some professional advice. But my interpretation is that it's not good to mesh completely. If you and the other person become like, as the saying, "as one" ... Well, if you become as one, if you literally, you do everything together, you have the same hobbies, same interests ... Maybe it works for some people, but I think that's rare.
I think we still need that individuality so you don't lose track of who you actually are. You have this life you were born with, you've grown up with. You have your own personality traits, your ... Even though I speak of personality, you have your own ... You're a separate human being. You have your own consciousness, and so meshing that completely with someone can ... You might fall into a trap of losing track of who that person is. Who is Kirill? Who really is Kirill? Who is John, or who is Mary? And that can have some detrimental effects on the relationship in general.
So something to consider. Something to ponder on. Separately but together.
Moving on to point number four. Essentialism. So this year, I read a book that has been the most impactful book this year, and one of the most impactful books in my life. It's actually called Essentialism. Quite a recent book.
I probably should look up the author for you because I don't remember off the top of my head. Give me a second. Essentialism, a book. Greg McKeown. Very, very high ratings.
It was interesting how I came across this book because my mother follows some YouTube vloggers, and one of this girl that learns lots of new stuff, always constantly growing. She reads plenty of books, like a book a day, or maybe a book a week. That's how many she reads. And so I decided to check out one of the videos that my mom sent me. And just like ... I was looking for a book, so I watched it and she recommended like five books there. And one of them was Essentialism.
And it's incredible. I highly recommend for anybody and everybody to check out this book. And what it is all about is it's ... It helps you identify your priority in life and understand what you want to focus on. And interestingly, I specifically said here "priority," not "priorities" because that word ... Greg McKeown describes it in the book ... that that word was never designed to be a plural.
"Priority" is, by definition, singular. That's by definition it's a singular. But we use it as a plural more, or we've started using it as a plural. Now everybody says "priorities," "What are your priorities?", "What are my priorities?", and so on.
But actually, "priority" is one. It's the one thing that you should be focusing on right now. And that's what the book's about, that you ... A lot of the time, we exert our energy doing many things. So imagine a circle, and it's got lots of little arrows pointing out of it in all directions.
That's our lives, a lot of the times. We're doing many things, especially with this type of connected world, we're super distracted all the time, can't focus on one thing. We're doing many things, whether it's at work, in our relationship, in our lives, in our hobbies, in our personal spaces, and whatever. We're doing many things and we're putting a little bit of energy into each one.
And now imagine that same circle with one huge arrow sticking out vertically up into one direction. Now that's what happens when you focus all your energy, all your effort, all your attention onto this one thing. Big difference. When you're doing lots of things, you make a little bit of progress on a million things. When you're focusing on one thing, you're making a million steps of progress in one thing.
And he talks about lots of aspects on, starting from why, psychologically, it's more fulfilling to focus on one thing to why it's more productive, and how you can accomplish more like, to choice paralysis and how we have too much choice and how to save yourself from that and how to deal with those situations and, negatively, how that choice paralysis actually makes people sad and, in fact in some cases, depressed. And he talks about how to do all these things, how to actually focus your attention on one specific thing.
So for me, very impactful book. But it was one of those cases when you're reading it, you feel like how this can change your life. Then you stop reading it, you don't implement all those things because I found it's difficult. It's hard. And it's totally on me to do that. And I know it can change my life.
And I've implemented the things he says a couple of times, or some things. Very few things, mildly, I've implemented, started implementing throughout. But now record ... Preparing for this podcast, I realized that I'm not doing near as much as I could be and as I should be and that I'm still getting caught up in choice paralysis or making decisions, not ...
One thing he talks about, there is no what-ifs. Here's an example from ... There is no what-ifs. If you make a decision, you shouldn't ever look back and think, "What if I had made another decision?" For instance, you are at dinner and you are picking, should you have pizza or should you have a soup. You pick the soup, that's it. You should never look back and think, "What if I picked the pizza?"
That's where all the sadness from choice paralysis actually comes from because we start analyzing what-ifs and ours ... But if you don't, if you train your mine not to consider these what-ifs, not to even think about them, then you're happy with your pizza and that's it. And there is no what-if. There is no possibility of a soup. There was no possibility of a soup.
So I find myself still doing the what-ifs, still focusing on many things, and so on. It helped me out, especially at the time I was reading it ... At SuperDataScience we were doing plenty of projects. And you may know that at the start of the year we tried to do a board game project. We developed a really cool board game and we wanted to launch that. That didn't go well. One of the reasons was that we were doing too many projects, and this book helped me focus, especially at the time I was reading, focus efforts on just some ... not my own efforts, even company efforts on some ... not one project. Again, we didn't even go to that level. But at least get rid of half or a couple projects that weren't necessary.
And actually, the word isn't "necessary." The word is "essential." So the book teaches you to ask, at any point in time in your life, whatever you're doing, "What are you looking into?" It trains you to ask, "Is this essential? Is this thing that I'm about to do, is it essential or is it not essential?" If the answer is yes, then you do it. If it's not, then you don't do it.
So, yeah. Preparing for this podcast, reading is now ... I realize I should be doing more of Essentialism. And I feel like I'm going to ... I should ... I'm going to reread the book, or at least my highlights ... I was reading on a Kindle ... and get into the habit of implementing more things.
So that was Essentialism. Check out the book.
We are moving on to the next Learning. Parrots are back here. The next Learning is learning number five. And Learning number five is the RPM system, or The Rapid Planning Method by Tony Robbins.
Give me a second. I'm going to take a photo of these parrots for you guys so you can check it out on the podcast page. There they are, four of them. All right.
So the Rapid Planning Method by Tony Robbins.
Wow, they let you up really close. Wow. You guys should see this. I don't know why they are not scared. But you can come really close. And I think they want to eat some apple. All right. Hello. No, they don't like apple. They want bread, which I don't have for them.
So the Rapid Planning Method by Tony Robbins. Really cool system. Amazing ... I don't know, even ... productivity system that I came across this year.
You probably have noticed from the podcast that I'm a big fan of Tony Robbins and his events. I've been to Date With Destiny twice. It runs in Australia in May. And it also runs in ... if anybody wants to check it out ... it also runs in Miami. I think it's in December. Oh, well. Too late this this year, but maybe next year. And then I've also been to his Business Mastery in ... where was that? ... in Las Vegas. I think that was in August. And went to that [inaudible 00:43:38]. It was really fun.
But this specific framework that I learned ... In the last year's learnings, we were talking about trusting life. I think it was Learning number six or five. Trust life. And this happened [inaudible 00:43:52]. I didn't learn this at one of his events. I learned this through his Breakthrough app, which I installed.
And the first video I watched there, out of the free series, was this Rapid Planning Method. And then I actually found that video on YouTube. So we'll link to it. It's a video by Tony Robbins. If you look up Rapid Planning Method by Tony Robbins, a couple videos will come up. You don't want the eight-minute video on YouTube. You want the 15-minute video on YouTube. That's the one that I'm referring to here.
Anyway, so I came across this RPM system in his Breakthrough app. And it's ... has been really transformative. So we actually implemented this whole system not ... I'll tell you how transformative it is before I explain it so that you can feel that this is really actually powerful and can maybe also be very impactful for you.
So we implemented this in our business. I think we started in May this year. So May. So June, July ... June, July, August. So seven months, or maybe like start of May, so about eight months. That's what I remember. So we've been doing this for about eight months, and we've been doing this RPM, Rapid Planning Method, every week.
So every person in the business does their RPMs on Monday morning. They have to submit it to this ... In Basecamp we have this one channel where everybody uploads their RPMs on Monday or by Tuesday. Also, we have a buddy system where you send your RPM to your buddy for the month, and they send theirs to you. Then you guys catch up, and then you review each other's RPMs.
And that has been extremely transformative. We've been doing our whole business, SuperDataScience ... Everybody in the business has been doing that for eight months. So as you can imagine, that's every single week, about ... Over 30 times, we've written up our RPMs. And it's had a massive impact on how we do things, how efficient we are, how we work as a team.
We actually ran a survey somewhere in August to see how everybody's going with it. And people were saying, "It's so clear. I'm enjoying my work so much more now. I can see how the things I'm doing have an impact" and so on.
So hopefully I got you excited about RPMs. And let's look into what it actually is.
So the Rapid Planning Method is a way to plan out what you're going to be doing with your time. It's a productivity tool. And so what we normally do is we commonly get caught up thinking about the why.
So there's three components to what we do. And not only Tony Robbins identifies this, there are other mentors, like Simon Sinek also identifies this. There's three components. There's the what, the why, and the how. What are we going to do? Why are we going to do it? And how are we going to do it?
And a lot of the time in life, we get caught up with the how. We start thinking, "How am I going to get to work today?" or "How am I going to do this project?" or "How am I going to plan our vacation?" or "How am I going to cook this dinner?" We always think about the how. That's our first impulse, to think about the how.
Now, Simon Sinek, great, also, mentor that you can find online, lots of videos on YouTube, very, very cool thoughts, TED Talk
s as well. So what he says is you should start ... It's about the order. In what order do you approach these things, the what, the why, and the how? Normally in life, we start with the how. Simon Sinek says that you should start with the why. Start with the why. He was a TED Talk that is actually titled like that. Start with the why, then go on to the what, and then go on to the how.
And he suggests that, specifically for business, in the case ... He draws this example, the difference between Microsoft and Apple, that Microsoft focuses on the what. What do they do? They sell computers, or sell the Window operating system. Whereas Apple focuses on the why. Why is just because we are unique, just because we want to help you unleash your creative talent and things like that.
They don't even talk ... It's not even in the center of their attention that they sell computers. They just want to be like, "Why is because we want to help you be creative, help you be ... unleash your personality and be yourself" and so on. And then the what is, "Well, we just happen to be in the business of selling computers and phones and stuff like that." That's why they've been so successful going into other, different products because they start with the why, the reason behind doing things, the purpose behind doing things. And then they actually only consider the different products.
And people who are Apple fans, they ... There are some Microsoft fans, but as you can imagine, there's plenty more Apple fans. People who are Apple fans are not fans just of their computers, but they're fans ... or their phones ... they're fans of the mission of the company, of the how they ... not the how, the why they do things, the purpose behind everything Apple does.
It's a bit convoluted. We're not going to go into ... The way I explained it is a bit convoluted. It's actually very clear when you to Simon Sinek. So we're not going to go into this right now because that's not the main one. We want to talk about the Tony Robbins approach, the RPMs. But if you want to listen to Simon Sinek, we'll include a link to that video, "Start with the How."
Whereas, in the case of Tony Robbins, for personal productivity ... So this is not ... Well, maybe also for business as well. But he has a bit of a different opinion. So in terms of personal productivity, he says, "Start with the result. Start with the what. Don't start with the ... " Well, both of them agree that don't start with the how. Don't start with the steps of getting somewhere.
Well, in the case of Tony Robbins, start with what exactly is it that you want. What do you want to accomplish? What is it that you are after? Do you want to ... You want to cook an amazing dinner. Or do you want ... You want to get to work today. Or you want to increase sales by 5% within a period of six months. Something like that, a very specific outcome that you are after.
Then on top of that, you don't start ... Then, next thing is you don't look at the steps. You don't look at the how. You don't look at, "All right. What do I need to do to get there?" No. The next step is you need a purpose. You need to think of, "Okay, I know what I want. Now I need to know why I want it. Why do you want to cook an amazing dinner? Why do you want to get to work today? Why do you want to increase sales by 5% over the course of three months?"
So unless you have a very strong why ... So for instance, you might be thinking, "What do I want? I want ... " For instance, let's say you're not in a relationship and you want to be in one. You're like, "I want to be in a relationship. I want to be in a loving, caring relationship by the end of 2019." Something like that. Unless you have a why for that, unless you understand why you want that ...
Or let's say another one. You want to learn ... For instance, I want to learn Spanish by the end of 2019. Unless I have a why for that, and unless I have a reason, a strong emotional reason for that, I'm not going to follow through. At the start it might sound really cool to learn Spanish. By the end of the year, exciting, amazing.
Or say I want to learn salsa by the end of 2019. I want to be able to dance salsa on an intermediate or advanced level by the end of 2019. Or I want to learn horse riding. I want to start a business by the end of 2019. I want to get a new job. I want to become a data scientist. I want to get a promotion by the middle of 2019 ... by July, whatever.
That's cool. But why do you want to? It might sound exciting right now. It might be influenced by other people or something you read, something you might want to right now. But times are going to change. Times are going to become difficult. Things are going to become harder. Other things are going to come into your life.
And in order to maintain that focus over the long term and actually achieve your goal, you need to have a strong reason why. And it shouldn't be just like a reason, a logical reason. It should be an emotional reason, a reason that's ... like, "Why do I want to learn Spanish?", which ... It can't be just like, "Oh, because I want to have an extra language in my arsenal." Who cares? As soon as things become tough or I don't have time or I'll have to be working on something else, I'll forget about this goal. I will deprioritize it. I will not give it enough focus. And it'll slip through the cracks.
Or I want to become a great chef by the end of 2019. Why? If it's just to impress people, then you're doing it for the wrong reason.
So come up with a strong why, a strong reason. For instance, why do I want to learn Spanish? So I can go and live in Colombia and experience a brand new culture, open up a brand new world for myself and experience amazing, amazing things. You can feel how that's so much more emotional than just having a new language in my arsenal and being able to order myself a coffee in Spain or something like that. Much more emotional.
So let's say, why do I want to become a great chef by the end of 2019? If it's just to show people my skills or to impress my friends, it's not going to cut it. How about, I want to become a great chef by the end of 2019 so that I can cook amazing, healthy meals for myself and my family and continue enjoying food while still being vegan and discover brand new recipes that are going to blow my mind and those of those around me? How cool is that? It's not just about impressing people. It's about eating healthy, introducing people to the vegan cuisine and exploring things, learning.
And in the 2017 Learnings, we talk about the six needs. Your purpose should be tied in with your needs. The six needs are certainty, uncertainty, or in other words, variety, love and connection, significance, growth, and contribution. So your why, your purpose, it should be tied in with your needs. So for instance, in this case, growth. And uncertainty, and variety, exploring new things. And love and connection, introducing other people to this food, and so on. And so that's another example.
So think of something that you want, especially now that we're coming to the setting of New Year's resolutions and goals. Do you have some health goals? Do you have some professional goals? Do you have some personal goals? Do you have some hobbies that you want to take up? And things like.
Think of a resolution that you're setting for yourself, a goal. But think of it in terms of this RPM system. What's the purpose of getting there? What's the purpose of you setting that goal? If your purpose is not strong enough, if you can't find a strong enough purpose, then you're setting yourself the wrong goal. If your purpose is not strong enough, you should look for a stronger purpose. If you can't find one, wrong goal. If you can, great. Then that will help you achieve it faster and with more certainty, actually get there.
So, yeah. Think of a goal that you're setting for yourself for next year or in general. Even throughout the year, you might be setting yourself a goal. And try to understand the purpose behind it.
Even like, say, at work, you're doing a data science project. The purpose can't just be so I can deliver this project to my boss or so I can deliver it to my manager. You should see the bigger purpose. And if you don't, ask your manager to help you see the bigger purpose.
Why are you doing this customer segmentation for this product that your company is selling for this new promotion that you sell? Is it just to make more money? Then that's the wrong purpose. Probably, if you dig deeper, the business has a proper purpose of it. For instance, it's to serve our customers better and make sure that we're not spamming them with random offers but delivering them very tailored product suggestions that will help enhance their lives. Much better. There's a lot of love and connection there. There's some contribution there. You're contributing to people's lives.
Maybe you can add a bit of ... Also in the process, you want to learn a new segmentation technique, a new machine-learning algorithm. Then instantly, there's now growth involved in that. And now this task meets three of your needs instead of zero. Making more money or delivering to your boss has zero needs. But now it meets three of your needs out of six. And all of a sudden, you're going to be much more excited about doing it.
So you can see why it took us quite a while to get here, in this part five of the Learnings for 2018. We start off with Simon Sinek and then ... or kind of like the purpose or the impacts RPMs had. Simon Sinek. So it took us quite a while to get here, but hopefully now you can see how this is super powerful.
And the power actually sits in this letter P in the purpose, that the result that you want ... And Tony Robbins gives this great example. I highly recommend watching that 15-minute video on YouTube. We'll link to it. You'll get a second explanation, or the original explanation to all these things.
Tony Robbins describes it as the result is like, imagine somebody throws a pin at you, or a needle. Somebody throws a little needle at you. And it's not even going to hurt that much. It's just going to bounce off. You might feel a prick. So that's kind of like your result that you want, but without a purpose. But if you now add a really strong, powerful, emotional purpose to it, it's like adding a massive metal rod behind ... like attaching a metal rod to that pin or to that needle, and then throwing that, pfoom, straight through your heart, that whole needle with the metal ... Pierce you, and you will actually feel it. You will actually feel the impact of that. That's how powerful it is to add a strong, emotional ... again, not logical ... emotional purpose, some things you can emotionally attach to, and even when times are tough it's going to pull you through. That's how powerful it is to add an emotional, strong purpose to the results you're after.
And so once you have the results, the R, the P, the purpose, then you move on to the M. And the M stands for "massive action plan." Now, now is the only time when you get to think of the steps of getting there.
Now you know that you want to learn ... Or, say, I know I want to learn Spanish by the end of 2019. How am I going to get there? And I know I want to learn Spanish by the end of 2019. I know the purpose, not just to show off or not to just have a ... but actually to move and live in Colombia or somewhere in South America and experience that culture and lifestyle and talk to the people in their own language and see a whole new world that I've never witnessed and I know exists but I don't even know what it's like. So I have the result.
The purpose. Now, how am I going to do that? Well, step one is like download Duolingo on my phone ... it's a free app for learning languages ... and do ... That's step one. Step two, do 30 minutes of Duolingo per day every single day, and put that into my calendar. And another cool thing with this massive action plan, put that into your calendar. That way, it's much more likely to get done. Next is sign up ... In February, sign up for some Spanish classes and do those intense Spanish training for two weeks or three weeks. Next step is step four. Maybe go and visit South America for the ... I've already been ... but for the first time in 2019, and go and travel through parts of South America. Or maybe sign up for-
... South America or maybe sign up for a salsa class in South America somewhere and do that. Or for instance, if I don't have the opportunity to travel, whether it's financially or time-wise, there's other ways. Sign up to a Spanish speaking MeetUp group in Australia, in Brisbane or Gold Coast, and attend that every Friday night. Or attend, like I said myself, every Friday night is a bit vague, so something like attend four or eight of those meet ups. Make some Spanish friends and go do hobbies with them, or make myself a goal to go on a trip with some Spanish friends. Or here is another action plan: whenever I meet with my Spanish friends, ask them to talk only Spanish to me. Instantly, you start getting all these ideas. And then plan them out and get to your goal by the end of 2019. Or my goal, learn Spanish.
So, the actual thing is that in life, we too often start the other way around. We start with the massive action plan. We start with how am I going to get there? Oh Spanish, okay, how am I going to get there? Blah, blah, blah, blah. So, you just think okay, I want to learn Spanish but you don't set a proper goal. That is not really a proper goal. A proper goal has to be smart. Those are your results. So your purpose should be smart, specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time bound. So, specific: learn Spanish. To what level? If I learn two words in Spanish, is that Spanish? If I learn how to order myself a cup of tea.
By the way, in Colombia, they put cheese in everything, so my Colombian colleagues showed me that. They put cheese in coffee, I saw that myself. And tea. So they put a block of cheese into tea, and amazing, right? Something you would never think about. I think they eat more cheese than people in France.
Anyway, so, if I learn how to order myself a tea with cheese in it, in Spanish, is that learning Spanish? And that is why a lot of people fail. They say, I want to learn Spanish, but what does it involve? How? To what level? So, you need to set a specific goal: I want to learn Spanish to an intermediate or advanced level, whatever level you decide. To an advanced level by the end of 2019. And how are you going to measure that? Well, you're going to take a test. There has to be some sort of Spanish languish test that you can sit down and actually take the test and see, like I want to get a score of 9/10, or maybe that's high. I want to get a score of 7/10 on this test, in reading, writing, listening, and speaking, on average, by the end of 2019. And a minimal score of six or five in any one of those four. So that is the specific.
And then measurable, that is the measurable part. Specific, I want to learn it to the advanced level. Measurable is you want to measure the test. A is attainable, so it can't be a goal that is ridiculously, obviously you want to have some moonshot goals that we want to set for ourselves like to go for, but here, you also want to, it has to be something to think about, it has to be attainable, and sustainable. It has to be something that you can get to, but it doesn't cost you, like learning Spanish in a month, it's attainable, but that pace is not sustainable. You are not going to sustain other parts of your life in that kind of goal. So the goal has to be basically think of a goal that is not going to be so hard that you are not going to have to throw your whole life at it to get it done.
Again, I've been hesitant about giving this advice because I believe in moonshots. Sometimes you want to set yourself a goal, like, I don't know, something ridiculously crazy like become a pro basketball player by the end of the year, but you set those goals and even if you don't achieve it, what you do achieve is going to be still great. But for the purpose of the RPM, set yourself an attainable goal. Something that you know you will be able to accomplish. Something that is not too unrealistic, but requires investment of time, hard work and focus.
That is attainable. R is relevant. It has to be a relevant goal, like it ties in with your purpose. If you have a good purpose, then you have a relevant goal, right? So, like I don't know, maybe, that's exactly it. If you're going to be able to find a good purpose, then you have set yourself a relevant goal, so don't worry too much about that. It is more for professional side of things, like why should a business do this [inaudible 01:07:23] when it doesn't really want to sell that product. That type of thing. But again, then there is no purpose behind it. So relevant is taken care of by the purpose.
And then time allowed, set a time frame. So, learn Spanish, not good enough. Learn Spanish by January or by December. And then once you have that, we got side tracked. A lot of time we start with the massive action plan, so we go backwards. We start with the how am I going to get there? What are the steps to get there? But it's really hard to get where are you going? Where are you going to get? You don't have a goal set, right? You don't have a smart goal set. So you're learning Spanish but how are you going to measure that you're learning Spanish? What level Spanish do you want to learn? By when do you want to learn it? It's really hard to get some where when you don't know where you are going.
So that is why in the RPM system, the cool thing is that we start with where we want to go, what do we want to accomplish, why we want to accomplish it, the purpose, and the exciting thing is that once you have those two figured out, it becomes extremely easy to come up with ideas how to get there. You are inspired because you have such a strong purpose and you know exactly where you are going. Your target is so clear, it becomes very easy to come up with ideas on how to get there and a lot of time there is many ways to get there.
Like if you want to go from where you are now to New Orleans, it would be very funny if you are listening to this in New Orleans, you want to go to New Orleans in the US, you can get there by train, you can get there by plane, you can get there by car, you can get there by boat, you can walk there, you can take a bicycle there, you can combine some of those things, you can get a plane to New York then you can get a train, you can take a bus, there is lots and lots of ways to getting to the same goal.
So, if you start by thinking about the way you are going to get there, you are going to limit yourself. You are going to think in the box. But if you start by thinking about what you want and why you want it, then all of a sudden, now you have a very clear target, you have a very strong purpose of why you want to get there. And now you are going to come up with all these ideas of how to get there and then you just pick the best ones and combine them into the approach that is actually going to get you there in your timeframe.
So there we go. That is the RPM system. Very, very powerful. It changes your mindset from thinking about actions from an action driven mind set to a results driven mindset. Once again, you want to move away from an action driven mindset where you are spontaneously or chaotically just doing actions. You want to move away from that to a results driven mindset and if you have a business, you want to move your business towards that. That is exactly what we did at Superday Science. When we talk, we talk in results.
We think in results terms. We set up meetings and there is usually a result that we want to achieve. Meetings, probably we haven't mastered that much but when we set up projects, every time, what is the result we want from this project. Not let's just to this, like results. Very specific, measurable, actionable, attainable, relevant, time bound. What is the result we want? We want this segmentation or we want this email copy, or we want this video produced by this date. Then right away, purpose. Why? To inspire our students to learn artificial intelligence and master the full world model which will empower their careers and help them change the world for the better. And then the massive action plan: how are we going to get what we want done? So, very, very powerful tool and highly recommend checking it out. Check out our podcast notes, show notes for more of the links on the materials we discussed.
Okay, point number six, these parrots are going crazy. There is an army of parrots attacking my neighbors. Alright, point number six, do what you want. I don't know about you but I find myself often somehow doing what other people want. I might be in the middle of doing something and I'm like why am I doing this again? This is not what I wanted. This is what somebody else wanted for this to happen or for me to do this. And it's such a peculiar feeling. How do you end up in these situations which you originally didn't intend for but somebody else wanted them? We will talk more about how that happens in the next point, in point number seven, but in this point, I just want to separate it.
I was thinking of making point number six as a part of point number seven, but I think it deserves it's own space in this top seven list. And, what I wanted to separate out is that it's always important to know what you want and to do what you want. Of course you have to consider other people and you don't want to hurt anybody intentionally, you don't want to cause harm to people. Sometimes people will get hurt because of their own perception of things, but that has nothing to do with you. That's out of your control, but it's important to separate those things. Again, we will talk more about that in point seven, but for now, let's just agree that it's important to know what you want and to do what you want. And that first part is crucial because unless you know what you want, when you don't know what you want, you start doing what other people want because it's like there is no captain of the ship and somebody else takes over.
So, figure out what you want in parts of your life where you don't know what you want. What do you want from your career? What do you want in your relationship? What do you want in your hobbies? What do you want for this weekend? What do you want for February? What do you want for this whole year for yourself. Figure out the things that you want, understand why you want them, ties in a little bit with the RPM system. The purpose, why you actually want those things, and then go and do them and as long as these things that you truly desire with your heart, nobody should be able to stop you or change your trajectory.
And the important thing to see here is that those people who are truly meant to be in your life and who are truly important will understand and will support you no matter what your choices are, no matter what it is you are pursuing. And it can be right or wrong at the time. We are not robots, we are not always going to be right. Sometimes we make mistakes and people understand that. Sometimes you will look back and you will realize something was a mistake but that's okay as well. But regardless, people will support you. Those people who are going to throw tantrums and be upset that you are not doing what they want, you don't want those people in your life. You want people who are going to be supportive. And essentially it's your life, you want to live it the way you want to live it.
So, something to keep in mind. You should do what you want. And for me it was a big realization that I need to do more of that and I started prioritizing my desires, my wants, and that has been difficult of course because people are used to the way you operate and also there is societal pressures, there are norms, there are things that people expect from each other in society already in your circle of friends or circle of acquaintances or just the people you hang out with. Or there are certain cultural expectations.
Like a good example, I watched a movie recently called The Big Sick. It's about a guy from Pakistan in the US, and his parents expect him to get married to a Pakistani girl, and they continuously bring these girls, it's a funny comedy, it's a romantic comedy/drama, like one of the best movies I've seen. If you haven't seen the Big Sick, I highly recommend it. And so his parents keep bringing, especially his mom, keeps bringing these ladies when he comes over for dinner to the parents house, they keep bringing these girls for him to meet. And setting up an arranged marriage. Like they just happen to be in the neighborhood and they come in.
So obviously all arranged, but he doesn't want that. He want something these. He wants to fall in love and actually be in love and marry the person that he is in love with. And he meets this one American girl and he has to hide it from his parents, and again, there is conflict because there is some pressures that he can't do what he wants. There is certain expectations of him. He has to do what other people want. For instance, his older brother or younger brother already fell into that kind of pressure and already got married. Not sure if it was, the story doesn't say whether they were in love or not, but even his brother already did what his parents wanted so it's his turn now, but he doesn't want to do that. And so that causes conflict when he wants to do something but he can't, and of course it causes some drama in their family and so on.
But that is a very radical example of certain pressures that are applied to a human being for them to do not what they want, but what they are expected to do, or if they want to do something else and then you have a choice: do I do what my parents want and what I'm traditionally meant do and please them, or do I go down the calling of my heart? When you want something like that, it's pretty obvious. Like when you are watching the movie, there is no question about it, he should go and follow his heart, but really we have those situations every single day in our lives all the time.
If you just look at your day to day and look at what happened in the past couple days, past weeks, or past months. I'm not saying it has to be in family, it might at work, in general in your carer, in your hobbies, it can be in any kind of circumstance, but when those situations are not so pronounced, not so radicalized, like an arranged marriage, and I'm not saying there is anything wrong with an arranged marriage, I'm just saying that is what some people want and that is totally fine as well.
But, when those situations are small and in your day to day life, they are harder to see and we fall into the trap or into the habit of following those expectations and sacrificing our freedom of choice or will, just going on these little, we convince ourselves that it's a little one, it's okay, I'll just do what I want. It's okay, that's not a problem, no big deal for me. But the more you do that, the more you get into the habit of doing that. And that becomes your life. Little things, and bigger things, and huge things, you just no longer ever do what you want, and in the rare circumstances where you do what you want, it causes a lot of drama in your life so you are now being conditioned not to do it again.
So something to keep in mind and good exercise is to look back in your life and see when was something I wanted to do but I couldn't because that is not what other people wanted and I didn't do it, and why did that happen. And then maybe think of something that you do want to do. Maybe you want to go on a trip somewhere or maybe you want to learn something that, like you've always wanted to but you've never had the time because other people wanted you to be doing other things. Or maybe you want to do something with your career that is different than what you are doing now. Maybe lots of things that you have always wanted to do but never actually got around to doing or have been restricted from doing.
So there you go. Important to know what you want and extremely important to do what you want and ultimately, something to also keep in mind is at the end of the day, if all of us, just imagine in this world, if all of us on this planet did what we wanted to do. One one hand it might sound like it is going to be chaos, but actually not. It is actually going to be, everybody is going to be better off because there is not going to be any pleasing of each other or bending to other people's wills, we are humans and we are supposed to be able to do what we want and at the end of the day, when you break those expectations people have of you, they will learn something from that as well, even though they might be upset. That is the point here. So to sum up, do what you want. Know what you want and do what you want.
Okay, so that was point number six. I hope that empowering and will help you maybe take a new step in your life. Point number seven and this is the best, I think this is the best out of the seven. I've saved the best for last. A very, very powerful learning, I think it's the most powerful learning for me this year. Very interestingly, I just learned this concept in December, so only a few weeks ago, and yet it feels like the most transformative. It really helped a lot of things fall into their places.
So point number seven is called victim consciousness triangle. So, yes, it's another psychological thing. It's a psychological framework, as I already mentioned in this podcast, I'm a big fan of psychology and drilling into these things, understanding how psychology works. In the past couple of years, I've discovered quite a few psychological frameworks, and just in the space of relationship, I think I've discovered three and this is by far the most powerful one of them all. The victim consciousness triangle is also caused the Karpman drama triangle, you can look it up. It was developed back in the 1960s by Steven Karpman in the 1960s, then again it was popularized recently by Lynn Forest, so you can find some of her materials. I'll try to keep this part short because there is a lot of very interesting things to do with this Karpman triangle, and then I'll mention some additional materials where you can find and dig deeper. So this whole victim consciousness triangle was mentioned to me by one of my mentors, his name is Ken, and I found it fascinating so I can't wait to share it with you. Let's dive right into it.
So imagine a diagram of a triangle with equal sides and it's facing down. So you have two points at the top, one on the left, one on the right, and one corner at the bottom in the middle. So, we are going to give all those corners certain words. The corner in the top left will be called persecutor, the corner on the top right will be called the rescuer, and the corner on the bottom is called the victim. And so those are your three personas in this triangle. And so what this triangle is all about is it describes interactions between people in approximately 90% of situations. About 90% of interactions between humans, especially in relationships and even more, especially in intimate relationship, happen, 90% of them happen on this triangle. So what are these roles? What do they actually mean? So I'm going to read out the definitions which you can find on Wikipedia, yes there is even a Wikipedia article about it. Here we go.
So the bottom corner is called the victim and the definition here is the victim's stance is poor me. The victim feels victimized, depressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, and take pleasure in life, or achieve insights. If the victim is not being persecuted, will seek out a persecutor and also a rescuer who will save the day but also perpetuate the victim's negative feelings.
now the top right corner or the rescuer, the rescuer's line is, "Let me help you." A classic enabler, the rescuer feels guilty if he or she doesn't go to the rescue, let his or her rescuing has negative effects. It keeps the victim dependent and gives the victim permission to fail. The rewards derived from this rescue role are that the focus is taken off of the rescuer. When he or she focuses their energy on someone else, it enables them to ignore their own anxiety and issues. This rescue role is also very pivotal because their actual primary interest is really an avoidance of their own problems disguised as concerns for the victim's needs.
So now the top left corner, the persecutor, aka the villain. The persecutor insists it's all your fault. The persecutor is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritative, rigid, and superior.
I feel like it's time for a short pause here now that you know these roles, victim in the bottom, rescuer in the top right and the persecutor on the top left, you are probably thinking to your own relationships that are taking place in your life and thinking who plays what roles. And the interesting thing here is that we are not confined to one role. We have a starting role that we often start in but then we can rotate through these roles like 70 times per day.
All of these roles, where they come from, is they are actually interpretations of early family encounters. Our personalities, our blue prints in our minds, most of them come from our nurture. How we were brought up. What was happening in our families. How are parents interacted with each other. How we interacted with our siblings. How we saw our parents interact with our siblings or with their friends, and their parents and so on. And then from our friendships in school and so on, and so a lot of these things actually form before the age of eight, when you are still learning how to be human in this world. And so, what you predominantly see or what role you fit in in your family at the start becomes a life theme for you, whether it's the victim, the rescuer, or the persecutor. And then once you are an adult and you interact with other people, you have relationships, intimate relationships, friendships, and so on, in these interactions, you can rotate through these different aspects.
So let's have a look at a couple examples. We will have a look at an example of each one of these to make it a bit clearer. So, we will start with an example of a rescuer. So, how could somebody become a rescuer, an adult, what could have, for instance, created this life theme in their childhood? Example is about Sally, a hypothetical person, this is from one of Lynn Forest's articles which we will mention at the end. Sally's mother was physically disabled and addicted to prescription drugs. From Sally's earliest memories, she reported feeling ultimately responsible for her mother instead of getting appropriate care from a parent who was concerned for her wellbeing, she became the little parent of a mother who played the part of a helpless child.
This childhood scenario set Sally up with a life script that predisposes her towards becoming a starting gate rescuer. Starting gate just means where you start off on the triangle, and also SGR or starting gate rescuer. Care taking of others became her primary way of relating to others. Rescuers like Sally have an unconscious core belief that might sound something like this: my needs are not important, I am only valued for what I can do for others.
So, there we go. So that is a person that has, over the course of her childhood, developed, through unfortunate circumstances, but nevertheless, developed this life theme of being the rescuer. And so what happened is, Sally would now, as an adult, rotate through this victim triangle on a regular basis. So what she would do is she would, for instance, she would take care of somebody in a relationship, like do all the things for them, and then they wouldn't appreciate it.
And because victim's never do appreciate it, that makes them feel worse, when somebody is a victim, they don't just go around saying, "Oh yes, thank you so much for all of your help all the time," because then they admit that they can't do it themselves. So Sally would find herself a victim to take care of in a friendship, in an intimate relationship, whatever kind of relationship, there would be a victim, Sally would be the rescuer. She would take care of them and then the victim wouldn't show the gratitude Sally expects, eventually Sally would get upset about it and she would start saying thing like, "After all I've done for you, how dare you not recognize" or, "How dare you treat me like this." And so on. And she would become the persecutor.
So you can feel notes of accusation, anger, and so on, and so she has moved from the top right corner to the top left corner, and now she has become the persecutor and she is attacking the other person. That is how you generally move through the triangle as the relationship or even the conversation develops. This could happen in one conversation. You could move through this triangle ten times in the space of one conversation.
Okay, let's look at an example of somebody else, so a starting gate persecutor. So somebody who has developed this life theme of being a persecutor. How could that happen in their childhood. So an example of Joseph, again, from the same website, very general example.
Joseph was from a prominent, wealthy family. His parents divorced and his father was angry, remote, and used his money to control others. His mother was an alcoholic who brought home men who abused her and Joseph throughout his pre-adolescent and adolescent years. He, pretty early on, learned that his only chance for survival was to fight. Joseph plowed through life with his head down, the way a bull rages across bull fighter's pen. He constructed his life so that.
... A bull rages across bullfighter's pen, he constructs his life so that there was always an enemy that had to be fought. So, as you can imagine somebody who had a childhood like that will always go into any kind of relationship, they might be very bravo and macho and so on, but in the relationship or friendship they're always expecting a fight and they're always aggressive. They're always ready to accuse other people or see their faults and bring them down, criticize them because for them, it's easier to attack first than to wait to get attacked. And that is a classic persecutor, so when a persecutor meets up a victim and if they're having conversation or having some kind of relationship, then the persecutor will make the victim feel bad, but in a very twisted way they will be meeting some of these needs of the victim. So, the victim will feel ... Remember we talked about the six needs of Tony Robbins? So some of these needs will be met in this weird way for the victim and the victim will want that to continue.
For instance, the need for certainty will be met. The victim already has it in their mind that they're worthless, that they're not able to take care of themselves and they can't do things on their own. Well, the persecutor is going to reinforce that. They're going to give the victim this green carte blanche saying that you're right, your terrible, you're the worst person on I the world, you're useless, you're hopeless and so on and so on. So, the victim will feel certain around the persecutor. And then that will reignite their old feeling of self pity and that will give them this feeling of significance because they'll feel self pity and then they'll find a rescuer who's going to make them feel significant and want to save them.
So, as you can see all these roles, they perpetuate each other. So, that's how a persecutor would generally work or how a persecutor would generally interact.
And again we all go through these parts of the triangle. It doesn't mean that if you're not starting out as a persecutor you'll never experience being a persecutor. I think we can all think back. And this is the interesting part. It's not just some theory that's interesting to read about, and that's it. If you look back on your life, you can probably think of a couple of examples even in the past couple of months or even one month if conversations where you played one of these roles, whether you were ... We were talking about the rescuer, or for instance then you became the persecutor or you were the persecutor and you were blaming somebody and accusing them of all that things that are wrong in your life and so on. So, you all move around this triangle.
And oh yeah, by the way, I didn't mention it, we talked about this in the 2017 learnings. There was a learning called victim and guilt or guilt and victim. That was very whiney, guilt victim, or victim guilt type of situation. And I guess that was my first explorations of this whole world of human interactions, and it already helped me out back then to understand better how people interact. But now having discovered this over a year later, it really falls into place and adds an extra dimension. It's a triangle now, rather than just two, it's got three points. It's got the persecutor, the rescuer, the victim, and it's enriched my view of how humans interact and really this is the part where things are falling into place very well now.
Anyway, we got a bit sidetracked. We've got one more. We've got the victim, the bottom one right? So, the victim is as we discussed last year is a low level of consciousness, is a very unconscious type of behavior where people just are feeling very helpless, can't do anything about it. The other two, the rescuer and the persecutor, they're actually taking some action, whether it's aggressive or trying to fix things and deny their own problems. The victim is just completely helpless and expects everybody to take care of them and constantly perpetuate its own feeling of self pity and self doubt and self loathing.
Here's an example. Again, from this same blog post. Linda was the second born in her family. Almost from birth she had problems. Linda was a child who was forever in trouble of one sort or another. She struggled academically, was perpetually disruptive and often sick. It came as no surprise to anyone that she got into drugs as a teenager. Her mother Stella was a diehard rescuer. Convinced of Linda's ineptitude and thinking she was being helpful, Stella bailed Linda out every time she got into trouble, this is important, by constantly alleviating the natural consequences of Linda's choices. Stella's earnest enabling deprived Linda of the opportunity to learn from her mistakes. As a result, Linda came to see herself as an increasingly incompetent and grew more dependent on others. Her mother's well-intentioned rescuing sent a crippling message that promoted a lifelong victim stance for Linda.
Yeah. So, that's somebody who starts in victim mode, but again they through the course of a conversation or through the course of a relationship, they can easily rotate through the other modes as well.
So, that's a quick overview. This is a much longer topic. In fact, what we're going to share on the website, on the show notes for this episode is the video is a two minute video by Lynn Forest called Victim Consciousness Defined. It's on YouTube. Even though it's two minutes, it feels to me like it's 20 minutes. You will learn so much in those two minutes, or one minute 50 seconds. There's going to be a diagram about the victim consciousness triangle or the drama triangle. And there's going to be this article by Lynn Forest as well which is so long, but it's so exciting as well, so interesting.
In fact it was so interesting ,I was on this train from Brisbane to Gold Coast, similar to last year I was also on this train last year. But as I'm on the train from Brisbane to Gold Coast, I was reading this article. I missed all my stops. I was interrupted by the announcement that the train will terminate here, and I was like, "Whoa, where did I get to?" Never happens to me. I don't even remember when that happened last. That's how interesting it was.
But that's a short overview. You can already sense these things, like what do you think you are, where do you think you're starting gate is into this triangle? For me for instance, I've always been a rescuer. That's definitely my starting gate, because we grew up with younger brothers and I always somehow took this example from my mother of taking care of them and I just constantly looking after them and doing everything I can. And that helped me. Looking back, indeed that helped me avoid my own issues, problems, insecurities and facing these ... I still had my own challenges, but I didn't want to possibly help me avoid my own insecurities and what not.
Yeah, so definitely that's been the starting gate for me, the rescuer. For instance, I go to my brother's place, and if it's messy the first thing I want to do is I want to clean the whole place up and make it shiny and spotless, but that's enabling him to keep being messy right? Instead of cleaning it up, I should give him tips on how to clean it up and get him there slowly if he wants that help, right? But other than that it's none of my business what kind of environment he lives in. He's getting better anyway. That's the rescuer.
Recently I've been finding myself getting more into a lot of conversations, not a lot, but with certain people I have certain conservations in the persecutor mode, so I'm already going in prepared for a fight. I'm already thinking okay, what have they done wrong, or how are they going to try to make my day worse, or how can I attack them first?
And it's horrible. All of these things, whether you're the rescuer, the persecutor or the victim, they're all terrible. They're all terrible states to be in, they're not ... Victim is a very low conscious as well, the other two are a bit higher consciousness but still because you kind of at least know what you're doing or you have a goal, but still they're also low consciousness modes and all this happens ... You're not making anybody's day better. Well, that's probably not the right way to say it.
You're stuck in your mind. A lot of these things actually happen in your mind, but this whole triangle can happen just by yourself. In your head you might be blaming yourself for being not enough, not good enough, for not delivering this project to the best of your abilities, and then at the same time you're being the victim, you're indeed saying I'm not enough and so on in your head, and then you're trying to be the rescuer, that can happen as well.
But whichever way it happens, it's not a good place to be, and wherever you are in the triangle, what you want is you want to get out of the triangle. That's your prerogative number one, get out of that triangle. How do you get out of the triangle? By being aware. By being conscious and seeing that you're in the triangle. Seeing, "Okay, why am I acting like this, why am I saying this? Why am I upset with this person? Why am I accusing them? Why am I trying to fix everything with them? Why am I feeling so helpless?"
Acknowledging when you feel that and maybe even having a trigger action that you do in order to get out, maybe for instance you stand up and do a star jump or you cross, I don't know, crossing your legs probably won't be a good idea. You blink very hard. Or something, like you have a pattern that you invoke in order to get yourself out of it, like physically jolt yourself out of that state and see it from aside. So, the next time you're having a conservation and you're accusing somebody of all the wrong things in the world, well maybe you're being the persecutor. Or next time you're trying to solve somebody's problems, maybe you're being a rescuer. Or next time you're feeling helpless, maybe you're being a victim, just trying to build that certainly and significance through feeling helpless and feeling pity for yourself.
At the end of the day, life is beautiful. There's so many great things you could be doing with your life and time here. There's so many amazing experiences you could be having. Why do you want to be stuck in this triangle in the first place. You want to get out of it as soon as possible, so find a way to do it and get out of it. The more aware you're going to be, the more conscious you're going to be, the more frequently you practice getting out of it, the better the quality of your life will become.
Because instead of being stuck in these feelings of blame, guilt and whatever else, you're going to actually just be enjoying life and being present in the moment and being happy, you can be happy at any point in time, but a lot of time you will find yourself, maybe even today you're listening to this podcast, you came into this already after a long day of work or something like that, and already you had some of these feelings. Look back on that and see could you fix that up? Not fix that up, could you not have those feelings? Could you stop them and just step out? The triangle is a two dimensional space. You want to step up of it into a third dimension. That's what I mean, like get off that paper. If you're stuck on this appear where the triangle's drawn, jump out of that paper into the three dimensional world. It's so beautiful here. Don't worry, I'm stuck in triangle a lot myself anyway.
All right. What else I wanted to say? Oh, and one other thing is, a lot of time if you're in a relationship, a lot of the time the way out of triangle is through the ... This is going to be interesting to hear, but it's through the top left corner. It's through the prosecutor. A lot of time you will be seen as the persecutor. You won't necessarily be the persecutor, but in order to get out of triangle, people might get hurt basically.
If somebody's stuck in victim mode, and you're their rescuer, you're constantly helping them, helping them, helping them, and then all of a sudden you realize you've been helping them too much and you decide to step out the triangle and stop enabling their victim hoods by stopping the assistance that you've been providing, well, what's going to happen is they're going to see as a persecutor. They're going to see you as, "Oh My God, how dare you? Or how come you don't want to take care of me? Why are you doing this to me?" And so on.
So, you're going to be jumping out of triangle, be prepared that some people, unless they're on board with it, unless you can explain all this to them. Unfortunately not everybody is going to be able to follow along and also get onboard with this framework and understand how all this works. Unless they're onboard, be prepared that you might hurt people and they will see you as a persecutor. But sometimes you need to get out of the triangle, that's the bottom line. It's going to be better for everybody if that happens, if you're in the triangle. Some people, maybe you're already out of triangle, which is fantastic.
Yeah, so there we go. That's my short overview and my short interpretation. I'm not a psychologist, so please don't rely on this blindly. If you have some things you want to clarify or you want to rely on these things, then I highly recommend seeing a professional psychologist and talking to them about these things and getting professional advice. This is just my interpretation. We're going to link as discussed to the video, a diagram, and the long article by Lynn Forest which is called the Faces of Victim, an Overview of the Victim Triangle.
So, there we go. Hope you enjoyed that short ex course into the world of victim consciousness. I find it fascinating. I could keep going about this forever. Maybe if you and I ever catch up in real life, that would be a cool discussion to have over dinner or something. What else? And that brings us to the end of point seven.
So, we have gone through seven points, very excited that you're still here. Thank you so much. I really value your time and hopefully I was able to serve you and deliver you some interesting insights or some interesting thoughts and ideas. Let's quickly recap on them.
Number one was the 10 day fast, and this is not professional medical advice, but from my point of view skipping a meal is not critical. In fact it can actually help your digestive system. Number two was be there for the people that you love. Sometimes people might be in trouble and they might not be asking you for help. It might not be obvious, but if you feel something's wrong, don't shy away from helping those you love, because sometimes they need to know that there's somebody out there that loves them.
Number three, personal space. From my point of view, we all need personal space, whether it's more or less. So, an idea, and it's something that I've been doing is to consciously create time for yourself and physical space. Time and physical space for you to have that personal space. For you to have the time to relax and that doesn't mean sitting on social media. Switch off your phones, switch off social media, switch off any kind of apps to chat with people. Switch off any ... Don't want YouTube video and stuff like that. Get a book, read a book, listen to some music, watch nature. It's okay to be bored. You're not gonna be bored with a good book, but even if you like just sitting in a bath soaking, it doesn't mean you have to be on your phone. It's okay to be bored.
We're rarely bored in this day and age, we think it's bad, but it's actually not that bad. It's okay. And in terms of relationships, so this is 3B, in terms of relationships, this whole concept of separately but together. Again, I'm not a psychologist. I'm not sure if this is gonna work for you or not, but I believe in it that we need our own lives, our own spaces, our own hobbies, interests and so on, and if you are in an intimate relationship, then you bring what you learn, your growth, you bring that into the relationship. You propel the relationship rather than meshing together and doing absolutely everything all the time together.
Number four, Essentialism, a life changing book by Greg McKeown. Hope you pick it up, and learn a few interesting things from it. So, it talks about setting your priority and focusing on the one important thing in your life. Something I didn't mention while we were talking about it, and I'd like to mention now is that that essentially means saying no to opportunities. When people bring you opportunities and the opportunities come up, and they might all be great. There might be 10 great opportunities. But if you try to focus on all 10, you're gonna do zero well. Focus on one and get it done fantastically and get rid of that what if mentality. What if I did this other? What if I did this other? What if I did all 10 of them?
You chose something, you do it, you do it well, and you reap the benefits. Essentialism, great book, highly recommend.
Number five, RPMs, the Rapid Planning Method by Tony Robbins. So much to say about this, it's been so transformative. Not just for me, but for the whole SuperDataScience team and the business. Basically, you want to move away from thinking in terms of actions and towards thinking in terms of results. And those results need to be ... So it's a results driven, no it's a results oriented, purpose driven, massive action plan. So you want those results to be supported by a very, very powerful purpose, emotional purpose that will help empower you to get through to that result that you want.
Again, we'll share a 15 minute video by Tony Robbins in the show notes, you will be able to check it out there from the original creator of the RPM.
Number six, do what you want. Make sure that you are not caught up in following stigma, stereotypes, expectations from other people in society and just constantly doing what others want from you. You should know what you want. You personally, listening to this podcast. What do you want? Not somebody else, not what you do, what has to be done. Maybe what you want is not possible right now. That's also an option. But at least knowing what you want is a good start. What do you want? Whether it's from your career, relationship, hobby, life. Whatever it is, what do you want? And then go and do that. Do that. The more you can do what you want, the more you'll actually be living your life, not somebody else's.
Number seven, victim consciousness triangle, also called the Karpman Drama Triangle. Amazing psychological framework. So far my favorite one out of the many that I've discovered over the past couple years. It's got the victim in the bottom corner, bottom middle. In the top right you've got the rescuer, in the top left you've got the persecutor. It very well describes, not to say this is the only psychological framework, or the only correct one. There's many of them. You can describe interactions between people many different ways. But this one, from my point of view, describes 90% of interactions between humans, especially in relationships, happen according to this framework. And if you find yourself in this triangle, get out of it.
Get out of it as soon as you can. Right away pretty much. Step out of it into ... Two dimensional triangle into the three dimensional world and enjoy life. Because it's too beautiful to miss out on and get stuck in any feelings of guilt and victim hood and things likes that that are all happening in our minds.
So there go, there's all seven. While I was recording this, I actually thought of one more. I'm not gonna make it eight, I'll just mention it here for myself, so that next time I'm listening to this, I can remember to review it again. And something else that I've also discovered this year, it's like a special bonus. It was The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Very cool, short book about how people experience love. So it's physical touch, acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation and quality time.
So one of those five is how people experience love. Your way of experiencing love might be ... And that's how also we give love. So your way of giving love might be different to how your partner experiences love, and so there might be a disconnect, like you're speaking a different language. You're trying to express your love with acts of service, whereas they're expecting physical touch, or they understand love in terms of words of affirmation. And so, even though you both love each other, there might be a disconnect there.
So that's a special bonus, check it out. Gary Chapman's short book, amazing book, life changing, especially for relationships called The Five Love Languages. Just threw that in there as a special bonus for those of you who sat to the very end of this long podcast.
So that is our recap. Another thing I wanted to mention before we wrap up is that I listened to my own recording from 2017. Yes, I sat down for hours and I listened to it yesterday. I was actually lying on the sofa, and yeah. It was very helpful. It was really cool. And I'm not saying that for you to go and listen to my 2017 recording again or for the first time, not at all. What I'm saying is that it was helpful for me. It was helpful for me to see what I actually said a year ago. That was really cool, and I noticed somethings I had been doing, even 2018 as well, and I carried them forward. But some things I didn't do as much as I wanted to. For instance, the whole notion of being present now and living in the moment.
I was doing that less than in 2017. Maybe twice as less. I was very shocked at myself. And now I realize that in 2019, this is something I also have to focus on. I have to live more in the moment, be in the present rather than my head and thinking about the future, worrying or reminiscing the past. Yeah, so what I'm saying is it was very helpful for me, so I highly encourage you to do this exercise along with me as well. So we're almost at the end of 2018, maybe you're listening to this, it's already after New Year's, it's already start of 2019, but that's okay. You lived a whole year. You lived 12 months, 365 days. How many hours is that? 365 times 24. You lived 8760 hours in the past year. 8760 hours. Surely, that is worth sitting down for one hour and writing out what were your biggest takeaways. Maybe you can write it out, you can record an audio, you can record a video, you can type it up on your computer. It's probably gonna take more than an hour because you have to think about it and things like that, but even if it takes you in total three hours, including thinking while you may be cooking dinner or going for a jog, it's totally worth it. So I highly encourage you to do that. And the important thing here is, not to just think about it but actually write it down and keep that document or whatever it is, media, or basically it's an asset for your life, keep that safe so you can review it a year later.
And set yourself a reminder to review it a year later, maybe when you hear my podcast and you hear this podcast a year later, this episode, for 2019, that will remind you to review your own learnings from 2018. So review it and see what happens in the next year. See how you change, and that'll be a reminder for you. And don't do too many. I did seven because I don't wanna do more because then I'll get carried away. Maybe do seven, do nine, do three, I don't know. Pick a number for yourself.
Yeah, but in any case, I highly encourage documenting your learnings for the year, and keeping them safe, and reviewing them at least a year from now. Maybe you'll review them six months from now, and that will put you back on the right course, the right track.
And one final reminder I wanted to share, is that the show notes are available at www.superdatascience.com/221. So if there was anything you were interested in this episode, whether it was a video, a book title, a blog, maybe even the transcript for this episode, all those things are available at superdatascience.com/221. Feel free to head on over there and use those materials as you like to further inform your own learning.
Okay. And on that note, that brings us to the end. Thank you so much for being here. I wish you a merry Christmas and happy holidays and an exciting, fun, fulfilled, powerful, empowering, disruptive, crazy, adventurous, and insanely beautiful 2019. I hope you experience lots of joy, love, and you have tremendous success in your career. Thank you so much for being here today. Thank you so much for being part of the SuperDataScience Podcast and SuperDataScience journey in the past year or maybe more if you've been with us for longer than that. Really appreciate you being part of this, and I can wait to see you in 2019. And until then, happy analyzing.